Tetracycline Haiku

I take all of these several times per day. Most are good. Tetracycline is the Devil.

Napalm in my stomach.

The bombs have dropped.

Eradication.

One of the more insidious things that gluten causes is an imbalance in the flora and fauna of your gut. That’s right, things depend on you to provide for them just like we depend on the Earth, and they are living inside of you as I type this. Most likely your guys are on life support just like mine are. This, combined with a weak immune system from battling gluten, results in the ideal environment for opportunistic bacteria and invaders.

Talk about a decline in property values… The only way to get some of them to leave is to scorch the Earth completely. Everybody dies regardless of guilt or association. I am sad to say that I have currently forsaken my residents.

But I hope they understand that it is for the greater good.

In December, shortly after discovering the freeloaders Helicobacter-pylori and Vibrio, I began an Antibiotic regiment to get rid of them. H-pylori affects s up to 50% of the population, and is the cause of Ulcers. So if you know anyone with an Ulcer, you know someone with an H-pylori problem. H-pylori is a Class 1 Carcinogen and corkscrews itself into your gut, essentially drilling holes everywhere it sets up shop. After decades of eating away at your gastrointestinal system it will lead to stomach cancer. Not a good guy to keep around, I don’t care how cool his car is or how many times he tells you that you were meant to be together.

Vibrio is a bad bacteria that causes stomach flu like symptoms in some and can throw off the bodies response to sugar. As it turns out, it is not “normal” to get "peel me off the ceiling" high from a Lil’ Debbie snack cake. I got off with mild nausea from Vibrio but it did make me crave salt like it was going out of style. This I found the most freaky part of all of this. Here I had been laboring under the delusion that I had free will when I was just a slave to my bacteria! O_o

So I cut the salt, took the Prev Pac antibiotics, and successfully evicted Vibrio. H-pylori on the other hand, well he decided he wasn’t going anywhere and shrugged the assault off like it was a bad hangover. Then, to add insult to injury, he invites his bum friend Blastocystis (a parasite who causes sugar cravings and made me a bit itchy) to move in while I was at the health spa for the day. Now they are both squatting and eating up all my food while shooting holes in the roof and I’m left to wonder, when did my stomach become Waushara County?

I’m over a week into this latest regiment which consists of:

Prilosec- 2 times a day

Tetracycline- 4 times a day

Tindamax- 3 times a day

Amphotericin- 2 times a day

Pepto Bismol- 2 tablets 5 times a day.

This is all in addition to all of the supplements I am on still trying to heal. Pills have become another food group at this point and it isn’t in that sweet Jetsons kind of way. Less then a minute after I swallow it, Tetracycline is like a spray of napalm on my stomach, followed by seven rabid ninjas with razorblade pinwheels simultaneously spinning about like they are auditioning for Black Swan.

I’m sure its all very beautiful in its own way, but these antibiotics are by far the worst thing to hit my stomach since gluten. Wednesday is my last day on them and I really hope these freeloaders get the hint. I really don’t want to send out for nukes.